Dear sleepy summer evenings,
I have enjoyed several of you this past couple of weeks, and I feel that I ought to give back. You have bought me some incredible joy lately, and I want to thank you for that. Because I have needed them, these unpredictable specks of wonderfulness, and you have come along just at the right times to make things seem a little more okay.
Thank you for the perfectness you provide for sitting in gazebos and catching up with wonderful people as we huddle close together to share in your fading warmth. For your ability to make the drama we often find ourselves discussing seem less important, and for your ability to ground us once again in the world and in our solid friendships with each other, instead of in the silliness that we sometimes allow ourselves to get caught up in.
Thank you for being the best kind of evening to take a walk to the take-out place in. For the fact that we can wear the clothes we will sleep in as we stroll down the road towards the trusty pizza place, perhaps with a blanket still heaped on our shoulders, and with our hands outstretched to one another as we skip down the concrete with our hearts lighter than clouds.
Thank you for your lending yourself so well to barbecues. For being the perfect situation for halloumi and bags of supermarket salad shared over burgers that I wasn’t quite sure how to cook. For the way your setting sun reflected in the glass of the windows reminded me of the world that I had sat with my back to. For allowing me, and those that I was with, to enjoy – at least until it began to rain – the gorgeous pleasantness of a meal enjoyed with you.
Thank you for providing some wonderful people and I with aimless and leisurely walks through fields and woods and graveyards and streets that we didn’t recognise. For sitting on sloping fields of long grass and wildflowers and soaking up the happy company of one another. For hands holding and arms linked and skips shared as we just existed, and moved, and were.
Thank you for letting me and some of my closest and most incredible friends lie on the grass and enjoy you. Our cloud-watching was so very entertaining, and I hope our ‘who can see a doggo in the clouds the fastest’ competition amused more than just our happy minds. When it turned into stargazing and we pulled the blankets closer around our shoulders and our heads lolled together in a lopsided nine-point star and our laughs probably kept the neighbours awake, I was feeling more grateful for them, for you, and for life itself than I have found myself able to in a long while.
Thank you for gracing my solo hours resting on a grassy bank, watching sleepy ducks exist. For the way their simple movements seemed to me like dancing, so long as I kept my headphones in. For the happy smiles of much younger children throwing seeds into the water as kindly grandmothers watched on. For the joy that the sweetness of five fluffy baby ducks trailing happily after their mother injected into my day. For being alone, but, for once, not lonely.
Thank you for your ability to cast a new light over a place I know so well. Thank you for injecting back a little magic into the place I’ve never not-been, and for being able to fill my heart with love for it once more. For reminding me of happy times past, spent in the same places, and enjoying older versions of you. For somehow making my feet walk down paths I haven’t followed in years, and helping me to rediscover the beauty of times-forgotten.
Thank you for the clarity you can provide. In the haze that seems to surround every evening that you bless, in the pinkish kind of aura and the peaceful kind of atmosphere that you always bring, hides a quality of understanding and acceptance. Of myself, of my place and of my state. Because however much of a mess I am in and however much of that mess I have made myself and however much of that mess is playing out at any moment – you make it all seem okay.
You can make me forget about the shadows of my future and think instead about the clouds.
You can make me forget about the monsters that chase my sleep away and think instead about the wildlife.
You can make me forget about the bad people that haunt my thoughts and think instead about the friends.
You can make me forget about the bubbling sadness and think instead about the emerging joy.
Thank you for existing, and thank you for blessing my existence, lately. Thank you for what you have given me and what you have reminded me of.
As always, with love,
Apologies that this is a little late – I’m on holiday in Italy and a few surprises were thrown at us that stopped me from posting – more to come soon! x